For the last two years, I have been practicing not letting my partner’s changing moods determine my own emotional state. I’ve become much better at it, though it hasn’t been easy.
Sometimes he interprets this as a sign that I love him less. But that isn’t the case. I just care more about my own well-being than I used to.
Yes, Natalia — beautifully said. Caring more about your own well-being doesn’t mean loving someone less. It means you are learning to stay connected without losing yourself.
That makes so much sense. The guilt often shows up when we begin changing an old pattern, even if the change is healthy. Sometimes the work is learning that we can still be kind, loving, and caring — without making ourselves the emotional fuel source for everyone else.
Thank you so much, Karen. That means a lot to me. I think many of these pieces carry a touch of my own experience, so perhaps they find the people who have walked near the same inner territory.
In the mid-90s I started a small, human-service nonprofit. Exactly what you describe here is what tripped me up with staff during those early years. Finally, a counselor said to me, "it's not helpful to anyone if the job isn't getting done." Somehow that helped break me out of those early years holding on to people who really shouldn't have been working with us.
Carol, this is such a powerful example. That sentence — “it’s not helpful to anyone if the job isn’t getting done” — really captures the hard head / soft heart balance. We can care deeply about people and still tell the truth about fit, standards, and responsibility. Sometimes rescuing someone from consequences becomes unfair to the mission, the team, and even the person we are trying to help.
Great reminder ❤️🩹
Thank you
For the last two years, I have been practicing not letting my partner’s changing moods determine my own emotional state. I’ve become much better at it, though it hasn’t been easy.
Sometimes he interprets this as a sign that I love him less. But that isn’t the case. I just care more about my own well-being than I used to.
Yes, Natalia — beautifully said. Caring more about your own well-being doesn’t mean loving someone less. It means you are learning to stay connected without losing yourself.
This resonated & it is something I struggle with. I have started stepping back a bit to preserve my own energy. I still feel guilty 😔
That makes so much sense. The guilt often shows up when we begin changing an old pattern, even if the change is healthy. Sometimes the work is learning that we can still be kind, loving, and caring — without making ourselves the emotional fuel source for everyone else.
Once again, you write an article like you are writing directly to me! Thank you for writing!
Thank you so much, Karen. That means a lot to me. I think many of these pieces carry a touch of my own experience, so perhaps they find the people who have walked near the same inner territory.
In the mid-90s I started a small, human-service nonprofit. Exactly what you describe here is what tripped me up with staff during those early years. Finally, a counselor said to me, "it's not helpful to anyone if the job isn't getting done." Somehow that helped break me out of those early years holding on to people who really shouldn't have been working with us.
Carol, this is such a powerful example. That sentence — “it’s not helpful to anyone if the job isn’t getting done” — really captures the hard head / soft heart balance. We can care deeply about people and still tell the truth about fit, standards, and responsibility. Sometimes rescuing someone from consequences becomes unfair to the mission, the team, and even the person we are trying to help.